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When people work Step Four, they begin to realize that in order to stay clean and sober, they need to handle all their feelings--the good, the bad, and the ugly ones--in a healthy and safe way rather than covering them up with mood-altering chemicals or addictive behaviors.
Many PIRs who have numbed their feelings for so long start to actually feel again.
This category also gets the PIR thinking about how they were inconsiderate with their partner, how they might have been jealous or suspicious, or how they might have cheated on their partner.
Paul told me that, for him, the easiest part was to remember and list all the people he had harmed.
Because of this, some PIRs may have developed trust, intimacy, or abandonment issues.
As a result, they might view dysfunctional relationships as normal and seek out these types of unhealthy relationships in their new sober life, unless they are made aware of what they are doing and work diligently to release and heal their past.
Many PIRs [people in recovery] also need help establishing healthy relationships.
The Big Book, page 64, says that "resentment is the 'number one' offender," and that it destroys more addicts than anything else does.When they were drinking and using, they may have grown used to doing whatever it took to cover up, excuse, or engage in their addictive behavior.