Becoming friends then dating
"Get to the [bottom of the] rest of it by figuring out why you feel [guilt].""I think that if you are more comfortable just hanging out with a person than when you are on a date, the friendship card might be too strong to ignore," Rob Alex, who created Sexy Challenges and Mission Date Night with his wife, tells Bustle."If you feel different when you are on an official date with this person, it is time to step back and figure out if your friendship with them is more valuable than a possible romantic relationship." If you've been friends for a long time, you might not want to give that comfort up — and risk losing it permanently."After all, why waste your time with someone who’s not going to be right for you?" That said, the guilt thing might come from you harboring true feelings for the person you're dating — feelings of friendship.
Imagine you meet someone that you're not attracted to. Then the relationship is based on personal compatibility, not just sexual chemistry. Grace Cornish avers that romances that begin as friendships are more likely to succeed: "You're always kind to your friend. There's no respect if you become possessive and controlling." "If you have a genuine friendship, you're not going to pretend to be someone you're not so a person can marry you.Apparently, this is a pretty common phenomenon, and they had some great advice for anyone who finds themselves in such a situation. So here are what the experts say are signs you're actually better as pals with someone, beyond the whole "I can't imagine being intimate with them" thing.But first, check out the latest episode of Bustle's Sex and Relationships podcast, I Want It That Way: We can differ with BFFs on major principles, but that's harder when you're dating someone.Then later, as some times goes by, suddenly, you begin to notice all these fantastic qualities about them that you didn't know existed, and boom! You're looking for your friend to get ahead by looking out for his best interest. Some people are on their best behavior until they cross the threshold. But your true nature will surface when you're a person's friend first.
When you're true friends from the beginning, you don't have to pretend." I don't disagree with anything Cornish says, but why does she make it seem like honesty, kindness and respect are only inherent in friendships, not in romance?The best, strangest way to tell that you'd be better as friends with someone: "You know that you never would want to be stuck in a car cross-country with them, because you would annoy each other too much," Stefanie Safran, Chicago's "Introductionista" and founder of Stef and the City, tells Bustle. Though I'd argue that a true friend should be just as great of a road trip partner as a lover, it is true that some more fair-weather friends might be perfect for an afternoon brunch, but not great for a weeklong trip crammed in the car.