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I’m not suggesting you grab your pants and do a and intimacy and casualness tend to extinguish one another.
Most hookups don’t start with someone coming up to another person and asking, “Would you be down to have some sex tonight with no expectations for the future and no commitment whatsoever?
I’m thinking we do it for about 4-6 months and let slowly let it taper out as we find other people that we’re actually into.” That’s not to discourage you from being open or direct, but to warn you of what casual sex requires.
This is an occasion in which normally-lackluster topics like “Where did you grow up? Ask about movies, books, or music if you want, but don’t try to peacock about your Bitcoin investment or SAT scores. Invite someone over and tell them a little too much about red wine flavor profiles, which you learned from You Tube videos. Don’t suggest hangs that can be easily misconstrued as a date—sit-down meals, movies, museums, and the like. There is a scene in that no one outside of my family remembers, in which Linguini accuses Remy (the rat chef) of “getting fancy with the spices.” In familial parlance it’s become shorthand for going overboard out of desperation to do well.
At this point, you need to say something like, “Are you cool with keeping this casual?